Mint On A Pillow

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I Thank God For Every Mistake You Ever Made

Today I celebrate all the fuck-ups
accidents
what should have’s vs what was.
All the times you walked away
anytime you should have stayed
for letting go and hanging on
missed opportunities
I am so grateful for everything you think you did wrong
I Thank God For Every Mistake You Ever Made
Maybe it’s selfish
Maybe…
But I look at my life
and I truly know
I live in a place of blessings
I have the life I CHOOSE
A partner built for me
A family designed by gods
I’m fed
I’m healthy
I’m smiling
I’m smart
I got an education
I turn dreams into reality
I pray in thank you’s
I see beauty everywhere
I have every opportunity available to me
and I got a sweet jump-shot…
All because you did nothing but exactly what you were meant to do;
the luck, the coincidences, the long nights, early mornings, every dollar spent, every inch and every breath
I’m alive because of pops high fashion
I’m alive because you both wanted more
I’m alive because of moms heart, her kindness, her tenacity
I’m alive because of pops clarinet
Matches on my moms knees
Motorcycle accidents
Clappers … oh Clappers a million thank you’s
Jackson, Washington and all the heights in between
The want and ability to turn nothing into something
I Thank God For Every Mistake You Ever Made.
I Thank you for living your lives fully
Never stopping
Never quitting
on yourselves 
on each other
on me.
Mom and Dad. William and Martha Rivas. Thank you for life.

Like A Garden

"Let your heart guide you."
Where the morning words on my tea.

"Life is a succession of Lessons which must be Lived to be Understood"
The flavor on my lips.
(this and you)

Combine them = I VOW TO LOVE YOU.

Lead with my heart, learn, live, understand…

Loving you today is believing in tomorrow;
Where everything that exists is us.

Vision

We envision an enlightened society where suffering is transformed into wisdom and compassion and all beings live in harmony and are relieved of the afflictions of hunger, war and disease. Spirituality and service are tools we use to help all beings find freedom regardless of race, religion, ability, gender or nationality.

In the middle of my brain is a tall gray filing cabinet that is frequently opened. The drawers are deep and fattened with a lifetime of regrettable moments. There is tucked away, towards the back, a list of women whose phone numbers I never asked for. First kisses I was too afraid to go in for. Debts accrued. Punches I should have seen coming a mile away. In the bottom, in separate drawers are the things I never learned to do: Build something, anything. Learn to throw a curveball, be a better athlete, read some poetry, tie a knot in a cherry stem using my tongue. In the top drawer: Is the night I left early, thinking I should beat the traffic, thinking the deficit was insurmountable. The why didn’t I wear a condom folder. The why didn’t I wear a condom folder again. Overflowing with files. None collecting dust, because I inspect them routinely, daily, open-review-close, open-review-close, open-review-close, open-review-close

All it takes is a random word, a face in passing, and a memory blooms, a cabinet drawer slides open, open-review-close,open-review-close, open-review-close

A file cabinet efficiently run by the department of regret; with this sick, meticulous precision of exactly what was said and not said, exactly what was done and not done

At the top of this filing cabinet in BIG BLOCK LETTERS, a name: HER … A Face: HER

#peace

#peace

When we can hardly see we are most likely to fall in love…

We are sticky that way.

We had torn open our chest and shown our gutless hearts, 

you can never stay friends after something like that.

Some days they taste like the way urine smells after asparagus, sometimes they burn, sometimes they taste like chalk, sometimes we feel like a balloon;

and the days we wonder if anyone else ever see’s them.

Loving them is like planting seeds on rocks and expecting fruit-

These are the temples we build from our broken places.

Whatever we did would be carved out of our veins and washed away and explained by sad songs and decent art.

Freckled shoulders, black eyes, and patient hands.

hands of someone who knows what they are doing

Despite the smell we are under a sky as pure as the love of God

and Nothing matters except that we are alive.

We dance like a God might dance. Oh my God we dance for hours.

Openly a mess while the rest of them go on on trying to fool each other.

But we are the only ones who could ever love them

If we were smart, we would have listened…

Cold, naked, hungry, happiest days of my life, whether they were someone else’s dream or not. Our naked bodies started flowing, glowing and the air turned to such a strange color, you think you’re dying, and try everything to hold on with one last breath.

we understand how a drowning man might suddenly feel a deep thirst being quenched. Or a slave might become a friend to his master.

You plead, “maybe I need you. Yesterday I carved your name into everything, I made up a language so that I could communicate to you better in.”

We’re trying

 Last night you held us between your hands and we thanked things we didn’t even know existed.

begging, love me, Whoever I become, whoever I am.

You know instantly, you have never been touched right before-

in a thousand directions like the sun does, like love does, like time might stop if you stretch them back far enough, like the clock might break, like they might still be here in the morning. 

 wrinkles around the eyes a hundred years older than our age. teeth that chew through ribcages and swallow beating hearts… just some wild things

just some wild thing  - - whose demons play well with mine.

 “I will love you when you stop being pretty” - but you can never say that.

only in moonlight.

sitting, waiting, for the dark to annihilate the sun, how patiently we watch the clock.

a gorgeous picture. 

and

Sometimes even better than that.

Home is not home. failed one too many times to find home in our own skin. until, they grab you by the neck of your coat like a dog chain, drag you across the floor and all you want to do is say thank you.

-

taste like everything you’ve ever despised 

and 

at the same time even worse than that.

Looking at each other like maybe that could change anything.

 Like maybe it would change everything.

how they shiver when you bite.

nails too dirty to even attempt to make your favorite food

talked about having a winery together, about traveling the world, about this house and that house

not the sun or the moon, not the stars, but not bullshit either.

 its a hard struggle

Between back scratching

the morning cup of coffee

Making a perfect breakfast together…

and then you begin to fall asleep without kissing

Remember sex with no noise, just a low something that resembles breathing.

It seems like we are forever waiting

or yearning

A perfectly fitting body

hair over face that makes us feel safe

Back scratching

Playing with hair

Giggling

Showers together

Angel hands… Making things better… cleansing us

Love over and over… Endless hours of being held.

Silence: The elastic that will bring the next words forward.

But When it all sounds good

What is left to say?

What I do?

I am the story

Simply.

I am here for love

Beauty

Abundance and joy

Fun and freedom

Creativity and bliss

I Light myself on fire

so you can watch me burn

I know I am the center of the universe

and

I know I can’t add to life’s perfection-

Only exist in it

I surrender to excellence.

I am not desperate for a single thing.

All things met and all things soooo good!

I am Committed

committed to saying yes to excellence moment by moment 

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